Basic Household Theorems

Hey, a whole new series! Geoffrey is gonna stumble into all the household theorems he can encounter!
And as his alter ego is living by himself (sadly) at the moment, he is bound to stumble into them.

For now it is theorem number 1:
s(w) = s(d) * c/t
s(w) = size of washed piece of clothing
s(d) = size of dirty piece of clothing
t = temperature of water used to wash
c = temperature at which material of s(d) is not influenced by t

This equation describes the effects of water temperature on pieces of clothing in a washing machine.

As Geoffrey discovered, the size of the washed piece of clothing is directly linked to the water temperature. In other words, if we have a temperature t of double the value of the optimal washing temperature c, s(w) is only half of s(d).

“And den, when di shiat came aat of di machine, jah had med it smalla!”

Deriving from this formula we could guess that Geoffrey washed his sweater at a temperature nearly double the optimal temperature c, which he discovered proved way too high to ever wear that sweater again. As this is the way things work with humans, Geoffrey will be sure to remember this formula from now on, always carefully calculating water temperatures before washing.
Progress always brings sacrifice with it. Although the world is now a better place, as it knows of this simple, yet brutally downsizing principle, we will never forget Geoffrey’s wonderful and brave sweatshirt, that, after years of loyal warming, had eventually shrunk itself in favor of science.

The following questions as of yet remain to be resolved (by our fellow readers? send in your research, huge, shrinking-proof PRIZES are be given away to ye bright minded!):
We all know that nothing in the universe, NOTHING, can just disappear. Therefore, where did the “size” of the sweater go? Is the washing machine slightly bigger now?
If so, what are we going to do about all of the monstrous washing machines, maybe secretly trying to take over the world by warming up all water and trying to shrink all clothes to own their size?
This might have been already quietly discovered as the phenomenon dubbed “global warming” by the secret agencies, who all blame it on badass rays from outer space. Yeah sure. Rays, from outer space. Seems pretty far fetched, now that we have a theory evolving around as simple things as washing machines!
But what is their goal? Why all this downsizing of cotton for world domination? Do washing machines simply want to finally get rid of those damn, loud driers always right next to them, yet unreachably far away? Or do they simply want all humans to run around naked because their clothes became way too small? Might those evil-minded robotic extremist hygiene-freaks even be attracted sexually by humans? By god, watch out, people out there in numerous launderettes right at the moment.
Danger is lurking in every round, metallic opening of every single washing machine out there, just waiting to shrink your clothes, your kids, your home and eventually your whole life.

´╗┐

Comments are closed.