This is the end.

Now, this is December 30th, in the very morning, and with the speakers providing my ears with strange sounds, the wind blowing icy vibes into the room and, especially, my mind seeming unable to fade into the deeper states of sleepiness, I’ll instead have a little personal reflection upon the year that has passed.

How easily do we always say: “oh, another year gone? geez, how could it pass so fast?” Saying that, in the same breath, you feel a more subtle thought rising, namely our everlasting subconscious fear or our lives passing by more and more quickly, our time running out like sand through our hands. Though I have to admit, in MY case, this fear might well be caused by a subliminal feeling of existing in a vital vacuum; living without accomplishing. To explain this, let’s take a look at the list “Things I Have Achieved In 2002”

– finished school

Contrary to that, I have spent 6 months after school without working, exceeded my debts, lost a few friends, stopped working out, gained weight etc. etc. Okay, with lots of positive spirit, one could add “building two halfway-succesful websites” and “becoming a decent live-VJ” to that list, but that’s already basically everything. Facing the facts, I have dismissed lots, LOTS of aims. Due to? Laziness. It’s healthy and essentially important to take moments of meditation and relaxation, but in my case, these moments have turned into dullness months ago already.

Enough self-criticism. I think I see myself on the right track again since the last two weeks, preparing changes and working towards lots of self- and life-improvements. New Years resolutions, officially stated: Gym at least 3 times a week, lose 20 pounds, switching from glasses to contact lenses, earn money to afford basics (pay debts; license; car; apartment in munich, nicely designed and furnitured); do interesting and stupid things with close friends; stay in touch with distant and less close friends; stay true to myself, to my aims, to my dreams. And a couple of more personal things.

Looking over this HAI – shit man, I completely missed out all the good stuff of 2002! lol And there was plenty! Many interesting people, lots of excellent trips, some amazing moments beyond consciousness… I think my life’s still awesome, I just gotta get a couple of things sorted out. ;) After all, just check what my biorhythm analyzer has to say about me today:

“Emotionally, this might be a wearing time for you. You might be feeling low or even a bit over-emotional. You’re probably not thinking very clearly either.

Yep, couldn’t agree more.

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