This issue:
Erdings “Erotikboutique” – A visit to the land of 15″ cocks! – warning: do not follow any links if you are under 18 years of age! honestly! we are not responsible for any damage done to your cortex!

Some of you might still remember my first encounter with this kind of metier (fear teh sex!). I now faced my fears. Accompanied by coma I payed Erdings one and only “Erotikboutique” a visit, which in other towns may be known as “Boutique du Erotique” or “Land of Love”.

Next to cockrings, rub-your-dub-dub-male-vibrators (which I found quite interesting actually), videos, dvds, mags, hang’emoutthemlips-stockings and pheromone gel (It does indeed work! But read for yourself in the interview.) they offer the quite common variety brutal 10″ to 15″ dildos. Ouch. I even found the small version of the assplug the goatse.cx guy uses (the one he got uses for his urethra)! What a glorious day!
Then again you can get small pins stuck through your foreskin (if you still have it..), your outer and inner vaginal lips and other parts of your body (they call this ‘piercing’ – and no, they don’t do jobs on clits or the male glans).

The special thing abuot this shop is a) the owner, who, I had the feeling, will fulfill every wish of yours (as long as it is orderable of course), and b) the fact that it is the only shop of it’s kind in our small bavarian-conservative urb.

But enough talk, now for le grande interview!

---

LSD
Hi there Mistress of le shoppe. How long have you been here in Erding now?
le shoppemistress
Hm.. About three years now. We just moved from the smaller location around the corner into this place.
LSD
And how was the reception in Erding in the beginning? I mean, isn’t it hard to start a business of this kind in a small town, as this is?
le shoppemistress
Well in the beginning it was quite difficult, but then it started to go quite well..

*short pause*

LSD
So, nobody went like: ‘No, not such a thing here.. nonono..’, and the mayor didn’t stop by to tell you ‘to go back to where you came from’?
le shoppemistress
*laughing* No, absolutely not. *a moment of disbelief on the lsd side here*
LSD
Nothing like that happened? You sure?
le shoppemistress
No, absolutley nothing! Those who come here really love it, and most of them come here quite frequently..
LSD
I bet, heh. What is it you sell the most? Anything you can especially recommend to our readers?
le shoppemistress
Um – well nothing special actually. About everything sells pretty well.. We have a lot of people coming here; A lot of women too!
LSD
More women than men?
le shoppemistress
Hm, I can’t really say.. But most of the people coming here just step inside and like it right away.
LSD
Are there things you don’t have on stock but one can specially order? Like oversized ‘bashing’ dildos? Or maybe engraved dildos, as a present?
le shoppemistress
Of course we have oversized dildos.. But we usually have them here *points at the shelf* [check the picture]. Of course you can get them even larger. But I haven’t heard of engraved dildos yet.. Not a bad idea though!
LSD
About the piercings.. Do you do them yourself? Do you need qualification to do it?
le shoppemistress
Yeah I do them myself. I have qualification to do them – you visit a special training course. And then of course you need quite some practice..
LSD
Hm, piercing one’s genitals.. Aren’t there any consequences when piercing right through the head of the penis – is that actually possible?
le shoppemistress
Sure you can do that. There’s a piercing called “Prince Albert” which goes into the urethra and then out of the glans. I don’t do clits or glans thought.. There’s too much risk of severely injuring important nerves when using that technique.
LSD
Oh yeah, an important question here: Do the aphrodisiaka you sell really, really work?
le shoppemistress
I don’t really think so.. hehe. But a thing that really does work is perfume with pheromones in it. Quite some costumers reported them to be effective as hell.
Here, wan’t to try them?
*LSD applies le perfume avec pheromone et guaranteed sex, and takes a smell*
LSD
Smells good! Wow, I feel aroused already!
le shoppemistress
That’s not a good sign, hehe, these are supposed to work on women, not on men. besides there are no pheromones in the test-perfumebottles – it would be way expensive to use the real thing for testing. It’s just to get an idea of the smell..
LSD
Um, yeah. Good thing. Otherwise I’d be coming here every morning to get a pheromone refresh.. How much is the pheromone-perfume then?
le shoppemistress
Well, the cheapest are available at about 50€ (about 50 $ US), up to about 90€ for pure pheromone gel.
LSD
Hm, anything left to say..
le shoppemistress
Naw.. I just wanted to say I think it’s about long enough by now anyway. Hehe.
LSD
Thank thee shoppemistress for the interview then!

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You see, they don’t bite inside stores of that kind! Pay it a visit if you’re somewhere near it, I guarantee you, you’ll have a really good time (alone by reading those videotitles; check the pic!).

Questions still remaining to be unanswered are:

Did the goatse.cx guy ever use pheromones, or did he actually not do these ‘performances’ out of utter and deep (very deep. and hard! and long! and thick! and..) sexual frustration?
And how on did his son slip out of his ass, when it keeps shitting prime numbers all the time?

What are pheromones? Found an answer to that question at http://www.howard.co.kr:
‘With Nature’s secret weapon “PHEROMONES” when you wear “PHEROMONE” women will become instantly sexually attracted to you. It will arouse the female sex glands, heighten her sensual responses to a feverish pitch and awaken her appetite for sex, the same as the smell of food awakens hunger. It’s invisible, odorless, and undetectable. It’s medical science’s and nature’s SEXUAL secret weapon of pleasure.’
Wow. Convincing! Go get one of those.

How large is a really large dildo? How do I use em?
Good ol Flinz found an answer to that one too! At blowfish you can order the ‘who’s your daddy’ monstrous room decoration gadget and also dildo (for some). The short description on the site says:
‘BIG DILDO! The black vinyl Who’s Your Daddy is far and away the largest dildo we carry, or indeed that we’ve ever carried. No, really. It’s huge. It’s ridiculously huge. It’s beyond huge. In fact, yours truly is a little concerned that just giving you the dimensions — 16″ long, 4″ in diameter — won’t really convey just how big a dildo this is. So here are a few pertinent enormousness-conveying facts:
The narrowest part of the shaft is as wide as my fist.
The widest part of the shaft is wider than my fist.
When I hold the tip to my fingertips, the base goes past my elbow.
It weighs over nine pounds (that´s about the same as two 2-liter bottles of soda).
Like we said — huge. We’re not even sure that it could be used as a dildo (although the human capacity to stick things in orifices can be remarkable). But it sure would look cool as hell on your dressing table (it has a very wide, solid base, and does stand up by itself). And if you’re really familiar with huge, huge, huge insertion toys and have a lot of experience with them, this might be right up your…er, alley. (No, there’s no earthly way you could use this with a harness. Don’t even ask.)’.
So there you go.

Where can I learn and master the mysterious technique of fucking my ‘hello kitty’ doll?
Here – Thank alt.sex.hello-kitty and don’t be afraid of new experiences.

Your LSD team.

Tags:

interview, sex

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